Moms often become the default parent for many tasks, whether they want to or not. The natural urge to nurture is there for plenty of moms, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t feel tired and want help sometimes. Even with supportive partners, it can still feel overwhelming to do it all, particularly when you have a newborn. Is it unfair to ask for more help from our partners? When in doubt, consult Reddit.
A new mom posted about her husband’s desire to stay out overnight, leaving her with a toddler and a 5-week-old. His story seemed a bit strange to people, who advised the original poster to speak up.
OP’s husband will be away for work.
She explained on Reddit’s Parenting sub that her husband is a manager and has an event in London that day, which will include a pub crawl with his coworkers. He thought it would be a good idea to stay in the city after a day of drinking. They have a 3-year-old and a 5-week-old, and the wife wants him to come home.
“He thinks I’m being selfish and unreasonable by asking him to not stay out. He thinks I’m just begrudging him some fun and that I’m angry because he’s having fun without me. He told me I dictate what he can and can’t do,” OP wrote.
OP is overtired and needs advice.
OP already feels overworked and overly tired, so this was just the icing on the cake. She needed Redditors to give their honest opinions.
Some thought OP’s husband needed to make accommodations to help if he’s staying out all night.
“Him leaving with a 5 week old isn’t impossible or unreasonable, but not planning support for you is. Just like you’d need to find a babysitter for your kids if you were both to leave, he needs to cover his absence in helping you with a newborn and young child by getting family or something overnight to help you,” one person wrote.
Others thought OP’s husband was totally unreasonable for leaving her alone with such a tiny newborn.
“You’re not wrong. Two kids and one of them still a young infant? He shouldn’t be leaving you alone unless you’re absolutely okay with it,” a Redditor shared. “Once the younger one is a little older and maybe able to bottle feed once in awhile you can trade the occasional night off with him, but I agree this is too early.”
Others didn’t think the story made sense.
“OP, I am calling BS on him staying all night. No manager should be getting wasted, drunk, or even inebriated with co-workers: bad form. Effective managers understand that they are the stick in the mud, the party pooper,” another commenter added.
OP and her husband worked things out.
OP shared an update that she and her husband talked it through, and he’ll be taking an early train home to help with bedtime. Perhaps he just needed some perspective. Two kids are much more difficult than one, and when one is just a little more than a month old, everyone’s still getting into the groove. The pubs can wait.
