Let’s get real for a minute, mamas. Remember when your partner used to look at you like you were the most fascinating and sexy person in the world? That same excited look in their eyes they get before eating tacos or watching football? I don’t know about you, but I kind of miss that slightly obsessed look in his eyes. Maybe I just liked the attention.
That was before the kids came along, and suddenly our most riveting conversations turned into questions of whose turn it was to clean up the cyclone of toys or who would handle the next diaper change. Definitely, not the same as being his No. 1 taco.
But ladies, this isn’t about him, this is about us feeling like women and not just mothers. Eventually, you might need to help your partner start seeing you as more than just the mom of your kids. Sometimes, we need to remind them that the woman that stopped them dead in their tracks is still in there … maybe we’re covered in little kids, wearing our mom uniform, or simply too busy to shine as bright as we once did, but we’re still there.
Don’t get me wrong — being a mom is the most incredible, fulfilling role I’ve ever had. I love being a mom and of all that I’ve accomplished in my life, being a mother to my kids and raising good human beings is my proudest. But sometimes, between the endless laundry piles, mom exhaustion, and a litany of other obligations that go hand in hand with being a mom, it can feel like we’ve lost that spark that made us more than just “mom.”
Any mom knows, it’s hard to feel “sexy” when you’re touched out, have no privacy, and are completely overwhelmed. Momming is exhausting and you’re never “off duty.” I’ve talked with countless women who feel like they’ve become invisible to their partners — seen only through the lens of their mommy duties.
Today, we’re going to change that narrative with 15 practical, authentic ways to help your partner see the multifaceted, amazing, sexy woman you are. You’ve got this. You deserve to be seen as a woman. You are fierce, beautiful, and amazing — and always have been. And of course, you still are. All you need is some rest and fresh perspective to remember who TF you are. Now, here are a few tips how to help your partner to start seeing you as more than just the mom of your kids:
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Maintain Adult Friendships
Keep nurturing those relationships that remind you of who you are beyond motherhood. Having a life outside the family bubble makes you more interesting to everyone — including your partner. Sadly, I’ve just recently realized this. I tried really hard for a long time to keep friendships going, but somewhere between third grade and graduation, my main focus became my girls and their happiness. I’m here to remind you that your happiness matters, too.
Dress for Yourself
This isn’t about looking “sexy,” it’s about wearing what makes you feel confident and powerful. Sometimes just putting on real pants instead of leggings can shift your entire mindset. This may sound silly, but when I style my hair and put on clothes that fit, it makes me feel put together and self-confident. Dressing for yourself is empowering.
Create Kid-Free Zones
Designate certain spaces or times where kid talk is off-limits. Maybe it’s your bedroom after 9 p.m., or your weekly date night. Make these boundaries clear and stick to them. If you want to be seen as more than just the mom of your kids, you have to remind your partner that you are still the woman they fell in love with.
Share Your Thoughts, Not Just Your Schedule
Instead of limiting conversations to kid-related logistics, share your opinions about current events, books, or that wild theory you have about the universe. Intimacy happens when you share and let yourself become vulnerable. Show your intellectual depth. Smart is sexy.
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Rediscover Your Interests
Remember that photography class you used to love? Or that novel you’ve been wanting to write? Do what makes you happy. Pursue your passions outside of motherhood. When you’re excited about something, that energy is contagious.
Share Your Wins
Did you nail that work presentation? Finally master that yoga pose? Share your accomplishments, both big and small. Let your partner see you celebrating yourself. There is more to you than just what you do for everyone else. Celebrate your wins if for no other reason than to remind yourself that you exist independent of your children.
Be Playful
Flirt like you did before kids. Send that random funny or sexy text. Make that inside joke that only the two of you know about. Show that your wit and charm didn’t disappear when you became a mom. Remind them who you are and why they wanted to share their lifetime with you.
Create New Shared Interests
Start something new together that has nothing to do with the kids. Maybe it’s a cooking class, learning a language, or training for a 5K. This time together will allow both of you to focus your attention on one another, instead of the kids.
Be Vulnerable
Talk about your dreams. Share your aspirations, both personal and professional. Let your partner see that you’re still growing, still dreaming, still becoming. Let him see the excitement and passion you have about your evolution. He will find your passion exhilarating. Share your fears, hopes, and struggles. Real intimacy comes from emotional connection, not just physical proximity.
Bonus: You’ll feel stronger knowing that your partner has got your back.
Set Personal Goals
Whether it’s running a marathon or starting a blog, having your own goals shows you’re more than just a support system for everyone else. It will remind your partner of the boss, goal getter you are. Pursue your goals with the same vigor that you would help your children pursue theirs.
Maintain Your Independence
Take solo trips, have girls’ nights out, or simply spend time alone. Distance can make the heart grow fonder and remind your partner of your individual identity. Plus, you will start to remember the woman you used to be and find your way back to her.
Break Routine
Surprise your partner sometimes. Take the lead on date night planning. Show up at their office for lunch. Plan a romantic weekend for the two of you. Be unpredictable (in a good way).
Practice Self-Care
When you prioritize your own well-being, you show that you value yourself as an individual, not just as a caregiver. If you respect yourself, others will respect you. You set the tone of how people are allowed or expected to treat you. Treat yourself well.
Maintain Your Identity
Keep your own name on social media, have your own hobbies, maintain your personal style. Have friends that know the real you. You can’t imagine how just that little action can help you remember who you are. While momming is a big, important part of who we are, it is not all that we are. Don’t let “mom” become your only identifier.
Be Present
So many of us are guilty of spending so much time trying to get things done that we forget to enjoy our lives. Everything feels like an obligation. When you’re with your partner, really be there. Put down the phone, stop mentally running through tomorrow’s schedule, and engage fully in the moment. Intimacy is about more than sex. Intimate connections happen when you’re having big and little moments together.
Remember, Mamas ...
This isn’t about diminishing your role as a mother — it’s about expanding the vision of who you are. You’re not just someone’s mom; you’re a whole, complex, fascinating human being with dreams, desires, and dimensions far beyond the maternal.
Your partner fell in love with you — not just your potential as a mother. By actively nurturing and expressing all aspects of your identity, you’re not only enriching your relationship but also modeling for your children what it means to be a complete, fulfilled person. You’re not just a mom — you’re a force to be reckoned with.
Remember: You haven’t lost yourself in motherhood, you’ve just added another beautiful layer to who you are. Now it’s time to let all those layers shine.
