A mom who has been working full time, taking care of her two kids, and managing all of the housework and the family’s finances is fed up. Technically, she’s not a single mom. She and her husband have been married for a while, but when he gets home from work, he simply chooses to relax. Meanwhile, she does everything.
As they prepared to move into a new apartment, the unequal division of labor became even more apparent. Her husband didn’t help at all. For the mom, that might’ve been the final straw.
The couple lived apart for a few years.
In a post on Reddit, the woman, 36, explained that she and her husband, 44, lived separately for a few years because of her husband’s military service. The woman and their kids, 7 and 9, lived in another city during that time. While the mom worked full time and also managed the “household, school, parenting, finances,” the dad simply focused on work.
They live together now, but nothing has changed.
Even though her husband lives with her and their kids now, the woman still finds herself doing absolutely everything around the house. “I still work full-time, take care of the kids on summer break, cook, clean, do laundry, plan everything,” the mom explained in her post. “He comes home from work, says he’s tired, and just rests. He even washes only his own plate. That’s the level of contribution.”
When they moved back in together, the dad refused to help.
Of course, moving into a new home is a lot of work, but the woman’s husband didn’t help with any of it. According to her, he didn’t see it as his responsibility. After the woman spent several days “packing, decluttering, (and) cleaning” all by herself, she expected her husband to help her load the car and do some final cleaning around the apartment she and their kids had been living in. Although he did help carry their fridge, he “stood around” after that and “eventually left to spend time at his parents’ place.”
As he spent time with his parents, his wife “cleaned floors, carried boxes, organized, and sweated alone all day.”
Understandably, she was frustrated, so she called her husband, which ultimately resulted in a fight. According to her, her husband said, “Why should I clean up your mess?”
Hearing him say this was even more upsetting. The man’s family had been living in that apartment, yet he didn’t see it as his problem at all. “His view was that since I lived there, the mess was mine,” the exasperated mom wrote. “Never mind that these were our kids’ things, our family’s life—he saw it as my responsibility alone.”
Eventually, she ‘blew up’ – especially because it’s a pattern.
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Moving day was the final straw for the woman because she’s been dealing with her husband’s lack of involvement in family life for years. “Even before he was stationed away, he never helped at home,” she wrote. “I worked, raised the kids, cooked, cleaned. He came home, sat on his phone, and relaxed. I carried it all—financially and emotionally.”
Admittedly, the woman was harsh when she eventually “blew up” and “told him off.” He thinks his wife “overreacted and embarrassed him in front of his family.” But the woman believes her reaction made sense given that she’s had too much on her plate and has been managing everything alone for years.
People sided with her.
To the Redditors who weighed in, the woman’s reaction seemed totally justified. Several people advised her to take it a step further and consider leaving her husband. After all, it already seems like she’s basically a single mom.
“If you’re worried that you can’t manage alone, just remember that you did it for three years,” one person told the mom. “Now you’re still doing it alone but with a 200-pound toddler who’s more embarrassed about his family thinking poorly of him than he is about making you do literally everything that keeps his life afloat.”
Another person called the mom’s reaction “very valid” and observed that her husband seems like “the kind of husband who sees spending time with his own kids as babysitting.”
A third person added, “He’s clearly shown he doesn’t value your contributions. You deserve better than this.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
