A mom who gives her 12-year-old son money to plan dates did not expect her video about it to be so controversial. In a video, the mom, Melissa Ann Marie, explained that by asking her son to plan dates, she’s teaching him to be “thoughtful and creative.” While some parents loved the idea and thought Melissa was teaching her son a valuable lesson, others found the concept weird.
“Basically you give them an allowance ($50) and they take you out on a date,” the mom wrote in the caption on her initial video. “The idea is you are prepping them for how to take a girl out on a date in the future so they aren’t completely lost when the time comes. So you help them along the way with how to plan and execute a date and you teach them basic etiquette and manners.”
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The mom explained the reason for asking her son to plan dates and showed one of the dates he planned.
In the video, the mom explained that she asks her son to plan dates once a month. “It’s really nice because we get to spend thoughtful, intentional time together,” the mom said. “But the catch is that I make him plan it.” The mom acknowledged that $50 might not seem like a lot of money to plan a date with, but “that’s the point of all of this. You don’t need a lot of money to plan something special.”
The mom then showed an example of one of the dates that her son planned, which included going to the movies, getting food, and drinking boba.
She outlined some of the lessons her son learned on the date.
While she and her son enjoyed quality time together, the mom also taught her son some basic etiquette “so he can be the best partner for someone someday.”
In the caption, she outlined the lessons he learned on the date: “to open the doors for his date, not to walk ahead of his date, pay attention to their preferences with things (ex. ask where they want to sit in the movies— not just where YOU want), pulled their chair at a dinner table, learned how to give a waiter a non-verbal cue & signal for the check, learned how to pay for everything all on his own (and) to get creative and thoughtful with not a lot of money to spend.”
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Some people thought the mom's idea was weird.
In a follow-up video, the mom said that the response to her initial video was “mind-blowing” to her because she didn’t think it would be so “controversial.” Some people commented on the video about her son planning dates for her to let her know that the idea was actually “really weird.” For some of the naysayers, the mom’s usage of the word “date” seemed unnecessary.
“Why do we call it a date,” one person commented on the video. “It’s so nasty. Dating is for the purpose of marriage…Just say ‘I give him $50 and he gets to take me to do something fun that he chooses.'”
Others saw the mom as a stereotypical “boy mom.” “She’s gonna get p—ed when he grows up and starts dating other women instead of her,” one critic commented.
Some people supported the mom and said there seemed to be a lot of double standards at play.
While some people were disgusted by the video, others were supportive of the mom and her idea — especially because they felt as though dads don’t face the same level of backlash when spending time with their daughters.
“These comments…So dads are allowed to buy flowers for their daughters and take them out on dates but when a mum does it for her son it’s weird?” one person pointed out. “Double standards.”
“Crazy how daddy’s can take their daughters on daddy daughter dates but it’s suddenly inappropriate when a mom teaches her son how to plan an outing, budget for it, teach and expect manners, conversation skills,” another person wrote.
Another person defended the mom with, “People get upset when parents don’t teach their sons how to treat women but then also get upset when a mom teaches her son how to treat women.”
In a follow-up video, the mom explained that she's teaching her son to respect women.
After the video garnered backlash, the mom shared a follow-up in which she explained that she and her son have gone on about four or five dates so far. While they’re out, she will share “tidbits of information” to teach him how to be “more generous and kind and thoughtful and aware.”
The mom also acknowledged that some people had an issue with the term “dates.” While the term does not feel weird to her personally, she understands why it might be “triggering” to some people.
But for women who are dating men right now, she explained, dating men is “awful.” “I’m 31 and I’m single for a reason,” she said. “Because I have not been able to find a gentleman, like a great guy.”
“There’s a lot of women who are just fed up,” she continued. “They’re fed up with the way they’re being treated by men” because women want to “feel respected and safe.”
This is why she’s focused on raising her son to respect women. “My entire goal of that practice is to raise my son in a way where he respects women, makes them feel safe, and can be thoughtful, creative, and receptive,” she wrote in the caption, adding, “If we don’t teach our boys how to treat women, who will?!”
