Giving birth is an experience that is full of emotions. Labor and delivery can be a stressful time, regardless of what happens in the room. The act of giving birth is an incredibly vulnerable time, and those who are going through it often want to keep the experience as intimate as possible. Usually, this means they limit the number of people who will be in the delivery room or even prohibit people from visiting them in the hospital.
Everyone has different boundaries around birth, and it’s important that those around them honor those boundaries. Recently, a woman posted a mini rant on social media, sharing her frustration that her mother keeps insisting on being in the delivery room when she gives birth.
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The rant was short and to the point.
“My mom keeps bothering me with wanting to be there when I go into labor. Girl I told you no already!!!! Shut up and leave me alone!!!!" the woman wrote in the r/pregnant community. "I barely even want my husband there what makes you think I want you there I love her but she knows I am such a private person so I don’t know why she keeps asking. Her personality is so overwhelming too so she would just stress me out rather than soothe me when in labor.”
She had a final point in her caption: “No you can’t see me give birth!!!!!”
She fears that her mom will make giving birth a stressful experience for her.
“I can just imagine her with her phone getting close up pictures of me in labor. (if yall know what I mean),” the woman wrote, which feels like a fear many people giving birth have.
“She also is from rural Mexico so she doesn’t agree with my birth plan since she went all natural with all 5 of her kids. I just don’t want the possibility of her there judging me or making little comments," she added. "We are pretty close so I know it’s her caring about me but geez. Anyway, please don’t comment anything about cutting her off, it’s not that serious. This is just a rant about how annoying overprotective moms can be.”
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People assured her that her feelings were valid.
“You can always just not announce when you’re going into labor. Have your baby in peace with the people you do want in the room (even if it’s just the medical team) and then let her know afterwards,” one person suggested.
“Birth is not a spectator sport!!! It is a medical event!!! She can be there for you post-birth if and when you’re ready,” someone else wrote.
“The next time she brings it up, maybe say something like this: ‘Mom, I really appreciate you wanting to be there for me. My mind isn’t gonna change on this though, and talking about it is really stressful. What I really need from you is ______,’ another person shared. "And in that blank, give her a job. Praying for you, help at the house X days after birth, etc. That’s the only thing that’s worked in my family. Essentially redirecting them through gentle parenting .”
Many people reminded the woman that she was the one in charge.
“Just tell the nurses absolutely no one but your husband is allowed in and let them do the rest,” one person suggested.
“Second this! Make absolute sure to let nurses who's allowed & who isn't before labor escalates. I thought I had made my desire for privacy very clear and thought there was no possibility anyone but my husband would be in the delivery room, so I didn't mention it to my nurses," a second person chimed in. "Well, my husband didn't hold the boundary and my family weaseled their way into my delivery room TWICE. A year and a half later, I am still trying to forgive and get past it. I am still soooo p—ed."
“Girl set that boundary and be FIRM. My mother insisted she would be there for my delivery, telling me that I would NEED her there. It was a hard no and I wasn’t shy about it!! Set that boundary ,” another comment reads.
It’s important to remember that the mom has autonomy in the delivery room.
“My mom wanted to be present during mine too but I told her absolutely not, it’s a special moment for me and my husband," one person wrote. "I didn’t tell anyone I was in labour, honestly didn’t even come to mind at the time. I called her afterward and said baby was born. She was fine with it.”
“My mum was mad too (Native from Mexico as well), and she would ask throughout my pregnancy. I’m nearly halfway with my second and she hasn’t asked me yet,” someone else wrote.
“Our mothers are cut from the same cloth. Mine was devastated because she wouldn’t be there for the birth or at the hospital to see my son in his first 48 hours of life. It was all about her and her feelings. My feelings of privacy, reducing stress levels, and wanting to bond as a new family of 3 were thrown to the side," another person shared, adding a warning.
"She took things incredibly personally and wouldn’t even look at any of the pictures or messages we sent her on labor progress or his birth announcement. I would absolutely be prepared for that to happen," the person continued. "Make sure you and your partner are on the same page with visitors and tell the nurses no one there while you’re in labor.”
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