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Everyone has their own kind of weird behavior that to them seems totally normal. For instance, I like to eat green olives by storing them in my cheeks like a chipmunk before I suck out the pimento. Sometimes, you’re willing to share this behavior with anyone you come across, but sometimes you only allow yourself or your partner to see you doing it. When you’re partnered, you’re supposed to be able to let your guard down, right? For example, my wife eats frozen pancakes as a late-night snack, which I think is totally weird. We literally all have a quirk, and one woman got on Reddit to ask other women about their husbands’ “unhinged behavior,” and let me tell you, some of them did not disappoint.
Look, I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum, but I have to ask: Are the men OK? Yeah, I know, it feels like a trick question because we know they aren’t. But seriously, some of these are truly unhinged behavior. Who eats string cheese like a mozzarella stick? If you need a good laugh or you also want to cringe a little bit, keep reading.
Does her husband know there’s an easier way?
“I woke up one night to crunching, looked over and he’s just munching on a bowl of peanut butter mixed with M&Ms, watching cartoons,” the original poster shared. “This is a normal thing for him, but it was the first time he’d done it in bed next to me.”
Mr. Fix-It Strikes Again.
“Whenever anything needs to be fixed around the house, I will suggest that we hire someone to do it. He says no, he can do it himself, it will only take an hour,” another woman wrote. “He will then waste an entire Saturday cursing and swearing his whole way through it, and inevitably tell me to tell him to hire someone the next time we need anything fixed around the house.”
It would be cute if it wasn’t weird.
“He eats half his food, then gets bored and starts feeding me like I’m a baby bird who didn’t ask for this,” another woman confessed.
A husband foaming at the mouth.
“When Husband brushes his teeth he makes no effort to keep the toothpaste from spilling down his beard. He doesn’t spit or wipe it away, just lets his face get all frothed up like a rabid dog. Then when he’s done he spits and washes his face and puts on a fresh t-shirt for bed,” someone else wrote.
“I still remember when we first moved in together and we stood side by side brushing our teeth and I looked over at him ‘Bring It On’ style and was so shocked I choked on my own toothpaste.”
What is the point of even eating?
“Eats salads with no salad dressing,” one woman wrote. And it seems that she’s not alone.
“Mine does this too, it’s insanity. Who doesn’t like salad sauce??” one woman replied. Another chimed in and wrote, “Mine does this too and eats it with his hands too. But also calls it rabbit food. So weird.”
For some couples, the idea of personal space is completely gone.
“Lets me hold it when he pees,” one woman wrote.
This particular confession had a lot of women expressing envy and saying they were “jealous.” I didn’t realize so many women wanted to hold their man’s business while he goes to the bathroom.
A little late-night dairy never killed anyone.
“He gets up in the middle of the night and drinks the milk and eats the cheese. He won’t cut the cheese though, he rips it off the block making it look like a mouse had been living in the fridge,” another woman wrote. “I don’t drink dairy milk and I maintain this is the only reason we are still together because if I kept waking up to no milk I would be furious.”
Hey, at least he’s trying to solve the pest control problem.
“We sometimes have raccoon problems on our property. They kept using the flowerbeds close to our house and our kid’s play things as their toilet. I read that raccoons are driven away by something in male human urine and that it only applies to male urine,” one mom wrote. “I asked my husband for help. It worked. Now, many years later, the man still pees in a systematic rotation of places to make a perimeter around our backyard.”
Everyone has their own post-shower routine, I guess.
“My partner after every shower, will get somewhat dry, go into the bedroom, kneel onto the floor and lean on the bed for his ‘drip dry time.’ He’ll have his towel around his waist and will just be kneeling there – chilling,” one woman commented. “Whilst he does it I give him head pats or chin scratches. The first time I saw this I was very baffled as to why he was on the floor.. I forgot that he’s a spicy spectrum potato.”
Her husband wears what to bed???
“He sleeps in a bandana like ‘Karate Kid’ often, sometimes he has a baseball hat on in bed,” one woman wrote, adding her man “sleeps in his glasses half the time.”
“He will pull his socks halfway off and down the middle of his arch and leave them like that. I’ve caught him in bed, under the duvet with his jeans on. I’ve watched him get up to pee in his jeans and then get back in bed in his jeans and take them off in bed. The rest of the time he’s butt nekkid or Pooh Bearing it. Total freak show.”
Marches to the beat of his own drum.
“He loves to read, which is awesome,” one woman began. “The unhinged part is that he reads series out of order. He’ll start in the middle sometimes and then hop around from there. He started doing it because he mostly buys used books and takes what he can get, but he’s done it when it wasn’t necessary.”
