It is unlikely that anyone who has ever stood in front of everyone they love and sincerely promised to stay true for better or worse and in sickness and health would say divorce is easy or uncomplicated. Although divorce is common enough, it isn't easy for most couples, especially when kids are involved. Getting divorced can be expensive, heartbreaking, and something most people would never want to experience. And that is totally valid.
For some moms, however, getting divorced is hard but BEING divorced turns out to actually be kind of great. We spoke with 16 women (we'll keep their names anonymous because divorce and shared custody is complicated) who got candid about all the ways divorce can actually turn out to be a happy ending, even if it wasn't the one they were expecting. Being married to the right person is awesome, but NOT being married to the wrong one turns out to have some surprisingly great moments too!
More from CafeMom: I 'Soft-Launched' My Divorce on Social Media & It Was Actually Fun
A Plot Twist
"I ended an 18-year relationship due to his cheating. Now I live with a beautiful woman (plot twist!) and [am] happier than I’ve ever been. I feel like I have a whole new life, and I can’t imagine where I would have been if I’d stuck with my ding dong ex."
A Slut Phase
"Dating after divorce is awesome. I will never, ever get married again, but I’m really enjoying my slut phase at the moment. Tinder didn’t exist when I was single the last time, and it is making it very easy to have fun on my nights without the kids."
Alone Time
"I mean, divorce with kids isn't a walk in the park. Joint custody can be a pain in the a–, but so is parenting with someone who you aren’t happily married to. I have come to really like having three nights to myself a week. I NEVER had that when we were married. I'm actually reading books again. A small thing but a good one."
Less Sad Every Day
"One of things about life after divorce is that every day, week, month, year gets easier. I was devastated to get divorced, but the farther I get from the day my ex told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore, the better I feel. I’ll never be as sad as I was that day. There is something comforting about that."
More from CafeMom: I Let My Ex Take Our Girl & Have Full Custody – So She Could Be Happy
No Stupid Trophies
"This is a small thing, but I freaking LOVE being the only person who gets to have a say in what my house looks like. I love that my house (and especially my bedroom) is exactly the way I want it to be and I don’t have to account for his stupid hunting trophies on the wall."
Seeing the World
"My ex hated to travel. He was a total homebody. Now that we are divorced, my kids and I are traveling several times a year. It makes me feel like an awesome mom that I can show my kids the world in a way that I wouldn’t have been able to if we’d stayed married."
Solo for the First Time
"I went from my parents' house to living with roommates in college to being married (at 21! That is way too young!), so I never lived alone. I still have my kids, of course, but now I have several nights a week when I’m home solo. It’s been good to get to know that I CAN be alone and be OK."
Every Single Thing
"Every effing thing about life after divorce is better. I’m not getting cheated on, lied to, or having my paycheck wasted at the casino. I’m so grateful for my four kids but their dad is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and divorce fixed that mistake."
Still Best Friends
"My ex-husband is my best friend. I love him and love co-parenting with him. He’s also someone who figured out later in life that he is gay. He’s now found a great man to love and I’m happy to see someone I love living his best life. I sometimes miss the marriage I thought I had and divorce was very sad, even though it was done with love, but I never wanted to be the person who stopped him from being his real self."
More from CafeMom: Yes, My Husband Is Gay — But That Hasn't Stopped the 'Sparks' Between Us
Letting Go of Misery
"It’s amazing how much you realize that you were holding onto nothing but misery and worry after getting rid of a cheating ex (which is my story). I was making myself sick trying to stay married to a cheater. I can’t believe I tried so long.
"I’ve dropped 55 pounds, stopped drinking, made a lot of new friends, sleep better, eat better, gotten in better shape, saved money, paid off debt, and so much more. I can’t think of a single aspect of my life that hasn’t improved since my divorce."
A Simpler Life
"Not going to lie, the financial hit of divorce was hard. We sold our 3,000-square-foot home and I had to downsize to a two-bedroom condo. But I also spend a lot less time cleaning, especially since I’m not picking up after his lazy a– anymore. My life is simpler now and I’m growing to like it a lot."
Healing but Happy
"I’m doing fine, not dating, still healing, but happy. I’m happy to be divorced and definitely feel like I’m much better off and would never go back or want to be back where I was. Therapy really helped me. If he’d been a better man, I would still like to be married, but he wasn’t, so I don’t miss him nearly as much as I thought I might."
Divorce Season
"The last few years have been kind of the divorce season in my social circle. There are at least five couples I’m friends with who’ve split since the pandemic, and we all kind of had the same cycle: deep sadness, deep anger, bad bang or haircut decisions, a slutty phase, and then settling into a new life that is better and, in some ways, easier than life before.
"Divorce isn’t something to do lightly (it is hard and expensive) but staying married to the wrong person is a WAY WORSE path. It's been a journey but I'm closer than ever to my friends who are also in the divorce club."
Best Version of Myself
"I changed a LOT. I decided I was going to do better. Became a better friend, employee, sister, and member of the community. I volunteered more. Started going to church. Got into and stayed in therapy. I’m the best version of me that I’ve ever been. I'm the best mom I've ever been. I didn't want the divorce but I’m happier for it."
No More Mess
"I repainted my whole apartment, I took dance lessons, joined a great gym, found a new hair style I love! I am actually hanging out with my friends and relaxing. The most amazing part: I am keeping my apartment clean. Not having to clean up anyone else’s messes is the best (and only have kids four days a week probably helps too). I just feel lighter and am even enjoying parenting more."
Different Values
"I worked with a therapist to deal with the betrayal from a 12-year relationship. The thing she said to me is that me and my ex have different core values and there's nothing in the world I could have done to change that fact. The longer we are apart, the more clear it is that she was right.
"I have no regrets and I am grateful that I won’t be aging with someone who is as selfish as he turned out to be. I can live my values more authentically without having to compromise with him."
