Being a mom is a daily experience of wearing many hats: soccer practice chauffeur, chief of snuggling and Band Aid application, bedtime and screen time enforcer, and dispenser of endless snacks and hugs. With all of those demands it can be so easy to get lost in the haze of caretaking and to lose sight of the fact that moms are also people with their own wants, needs, and desires. Although we may hear crass jokes about MILFs, the truth is that most people don't really expect moms to be sexual beings.
Well, news flash: We are! That's true even when we are overly touched out from having a kid always on us, super tired from too many nighttime toddler wake-up calls, or just need to remind ourselves of that fact when it has been a minute since we felt like our sexiest version of ourselves. The good news is that for moms who aren't currently feeling sexy, there are some surprisingly easy ways to get back into that head space.
We talked to 16 moms (and promised to keep their names anonymous so they'd spill the real tea) who are feeling sexy right now, and we are kind of obsessed with all of the things that are helping them think of themselves as sexy NOW. Read on for some totally doable inspiration for bringing the sexy feelings back!
Lifting Heavy
"Living heavy weights makes me feel like a bad-ass, especially when I'm lifting heavier than the guys next to me in the gym. Feeling bad-ass and feeling strong makes me feel confident in my own skin, and that feeling leads me to feeling sexy."
Feeling Thicker
"I've put on about 15-20 pounds since the pandemic and I'm honestly liking it. I feel thicker and more womanly with a bit more booty and curves. It was also a good excuse to buy some new lingerie, which is never a bad idea for me and my husband!"
Edibles
"Edibles. I think relaxation is a big part of it. It can help shut my brain off to everything else. It is my version of a nightcap and getting relaxed makes me feel more open to having sex. And the THC makes sex mind blowing, so there is that too."
Getting a Massage
"I feel my most sexy right now when I make it a priority to get a massage on a regular basis. I'm training for an Ironman so I'm basically sore or have fatigued muscles all the time. Post massage is when I feel the most loose and remember that my body isn't just a swimming, biking, running machine."
Good Bras
"After FINALLY weaning my last baby (hello, I've had three babies in five years. I've been nursing for basically half a decade), I replaced all my old bras. My size had changed and I'd kind of forgotten about the magic of underwire. I feel like I am remembering how to be sexy again and having some bras that are NOT for nursing is a good reminder that my boobs don't belong to my kids."
Workout Time
"I feel sexy when I include workout time into my day. Overall, it makes me more energetic. I feel stronger, more balanced, and more flexible in all aspects (physically, decision-making, changes, etc.). I also feel more alert and playful."
The Right Partner
"I think feeling sexy is a lot about self-confidence, but for me, it's also about the right partner. I feel sexy right now because I'm with a partner who thinks I'm really sexy and shows me that in multiple ways, every day. I feel sexy knowing I'm turning him on so much."
Being Rested
"Sleep is sexy. LOL. Honestly, getting more sleep helps with all kinds of things, including feeling more open to having sex. When my kids were little and we were unofficially co-sleeping and I was nursing still, I was SO tired and so touched out that my sexy switch got flipped off. Now [that] they are older and everyone sleeps through the night, I'm a new woman!"
Writing Fan Fiction
"I will never, ever, ever show anyone this, but I feel sexy when I write dirty fan fiction. I'm part of an online fan community for Harry Potter fan fiction, and reading all of the very not JK Rowling approved sexy adventures of Harry and Malfo (the heart wants what the heart wants) gets me inspired. Picturing fictional sex reminds me that I like actual sex. Thinking about sex makes me feel sexy."
Come As You Are
"I was struggling to think of myself as sexy because my libido seemed to basically disappear. My husband and I were always really in sync on how much to have sex and then I just didn't want it anymore, which is not a sexy feeling. My book club ended up doing the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and it literally changed my life.
"She explains so much about how desire works and it helped me understand why I wasn't feeling spontaneous desire much anymore. Reading it and doing the exercises in it helped me better understand what makes me feel desire and that makes me feel sexy. And, FYI, that was our best attended book club ever and we went about two hours longer than usual. So I'm thinking I wasn't the only one who needed to read it!"
Having Sex
"We have a standing sex date for Saturday nights. I don't always want to have sex, but I'm always glad that we did, if that makes sense. Like, I feel sexier when I'm having sex on a regular basis, even if I wasn't super horny for it when we started."
Tub Time
"My partner and I have a deal: I get a Sunday afternoon bath with NO INTERRUPTIONS. I lock the door, light the candles, put on a face mask, the whole nine yards. Having an hour in warm water with nobody needing me gets me out of mom mode. And I also have a combination razor/waterproof vibrator that helps me tap into my sexy side (it's called a Freya, for anyone else who likes freshly shaven legs and the possibility of an orgasm)."
Sexy Playlist
"When I want to feel sexy, I put on one of three sexy times playlists I've created. I have slow jams, FILTHY songs, and some old school R&B jams. Even just listening to them when I'm running errands or doing chores makes me feel less mom like. Who can listen to Adorn by Miguel or Slow Show by The National and not feel a little sexier?"
Get Sensual
"When I want to feel sexier, I start by trying to be sensual first. I mean that in the literal sense. I try to tap into all my senses and try to pay attention to the things around me that feel, taste, or smell good to my body. Fresh sheets on freshly shaven legs, a really good cocktail, swinging in my hammock. I can get so busy and get on autopilot where I'm not really noticing things. When I slow down and pay attention, I get more in touch with myself too."
Summer Sexy
"I feel sexy right now because it's summer time and summer is my sexy season. I like the way I look when my legs are tanned. I like the way my hair has more texture and smells like chlorine from swimming. I like wearing shorter and tighter clothes. I just need to work on how to transfer those things over to winter time."
Confidence Is Sexy
"Maybe this is a little cliché but I really do believe that sexiness comes from confidence. When I need more of both, I remind myself to do the things that make me feel best about myself. That's working out, dressing up for work, wearing heels to make me over 5'0 tall. When I feel strong and polished looking, I feel confident and more sexy."
