Divorce can be messy and complicated. This only becomes more true the longer the couple has been together. Dismantling a life together isn't an easy process, and it can only be made worse when the couple doesn't get along throughout their divorce. But when they can find a way to keep things cordial between them, it changes the whole process.
One woman admitted that she and her ex-husband have not only had a pleasant divorce experience, they've actually come out of their divorce as best friends. And while some may be skeptical, examples like this show it can happen.
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The couple divorced when their marriage was no longer working.
Writer Jennifer Della Zanna wrote an essay for Business Insider detailing how after 35 years together (25 married), she and her now ex-husband divorced.
"We'd tried everything we could think of to stay together, and it took years to get to the point where we both gave up. But after we did, things improved immediately," she wrote.
She even added that their relationship "got so much better during the divorce process that we both wondered whether maybe we were making a mistake." Ultimately, they did decide to go through with their divorce.
Being divorced freed the former couple up to get to know each other again.
"We truly like each other as people β even though we changed so much," Zanna wrote. "But when the pressure of the marriage was no longer there, we were able to see each other again as simply family. We weren't the same people we married β nobody is the same person after almost 40 years β but we were still, at our core, people who enjoyed being around each other. We still love parts of each other."
The night before their divorce, the soon-to-be former couple had dinner together.
To celebrate the ending of their marriage, Zanna and her ex went to dinner at a restaurant they had been interested in trying, and ordered "jumbo" margaritas.
"We made friends with the owner and the hostess β as usual, wherever we went. We silently agreed not to tell the employees we were about to get divorced," she shared.
She shared that during that dinner, they "were already aware that things looked brighter."
"On the night of our divorce, we said goodbye to the bad parts, but the bad parts didn't negate the good parts. We decided to find new ways of walking in this world, but we still want to make new memories as a family," she said.
They are moving into the next phase of their lives intentionally.
Staying friends through and after their divorce allowed Zanna and her ex-husband to have a soft place to land when things got hard. They were able to support each other through the complex range of emotions that come with a divorce. Each could be an ear when they had to navigate dating again, work through the separation of their finances, and learn how to live on one income, and "communicate the best ways to help our young adult children."
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The former couple is a great example of how to stay friends after divorce.
Zanna explained that she and her ex met when she was 19 and he was 20. They essentially grew up together, and after so many years, they "don't hate those people." She pointed out "We simply no longer want the same things out of life and can better manage what we do want without the other as a partner."
She shared that a year after their divorce, she called her ex to tell him that she had a bad day.
"He asked if I had any sangria, my favorite drink; I did not. Within an hour, a delivery person showed up at my door with sangria β ordered by my ex," she wrote.
