
The saying that it takes a village to raise a child is not an exaggeration. Moms and dads need additional support. These days most people rely on day cares, but if you’re lucky, a family member can help raise your children. This is the best of both worlds. You get the help that you need from people who have a deep love and greater investment in your child. But there are downsides.
The familial investment can be too much. Boundaries are often crossed. Feelings are hurt and, in the worst cases, relationships are strained. This is what happened when one mother-in-law took things a little too far, trying to help.
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An expectant mother wondered if she overreacted in a situation involving her MIL.
A mother-to-be asked the Reddit community if she had been too harsh with her overbearing but likable mother-in-law. This wife and expectant mother explained that she and her MIL have a decent relationship even though she can be a little controlling.
“She has very strong ideas about things and no sense of boundaries,” the OP explained. For example, when she visits for the holidays, the MIL takes over the kitchen completely, cooking all the meals. “She cooks wonderfully, but she won’t let me help her at all, and puts everything away in the wrong places – and then insists that her way is more logical,” she shared in her post.
The OP said that because she only comes for the holidays and she does like her, she hasn’t been too bothered by these small annoyances.
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Her MIL moved in recently and got right to cleaning.
Things changed though when the OP learned she was pregnant with a little girl.
“When my MIL heard, she was super excited and said she would come over to help us get ready for the baby,” the OP explained. “She offered to stay for the next 6 months or so to help out, because my husband and I both work long hours and it will be hard to handle the baby on top of this.”
The MIL arrived and went right to cleaning. The OP explained that her house might be a little cluttered.
“I like collecting things from garage sales and such,” she wrote. “Things like little sculptures and books and baskets, stuff a lot of people would consider utter junk. Our house is definitely overstuffed, but it’s reasonably tidy and doesn’t seem like a hoarder’s house or anything.”
The OP and her MIL have different standards of clean.
The OP’s mother-in-law likes things “surgically clean.” When the OP recently came home, she found her house appeared like a war zone. The OP explained that her MIL “went through my cabinets and cleared out everything she considered junk, and had apparently made several trips to goodwill before I got home. I was really angry and I asked her why she would ever do this. She said the house has to be tidy for the baby, and that it would be ‘dangerous’ for the baby to be in my cluttered house.”
As the MIL was making her way to the door with another bag of items, the OP lost it. “ I told her she could get out right now,” the OP wrote. “She was shocked that I was serious, and she said she doesn’t have anywhere to go and it’s so late. It was about 9:30. I booked her a hotel room and called a taxi.”
The OP’s husband did not appreciate her choice.
When the OP’s husband came home later, he was furious. He told the OP that she’d disrespected his mother and was being ungrateful for everything she was trying to do for them.
She asked Redditors if she took things too far. Although most people in the community agreed that she wasn’t an a–hole, they had quite a bit to say to the OP – whether it was advice, gentle warnings, or necessary reminders.
“NTA. What your MIL did crossed every line for a guest in anyone’s home, and, in fact, you could make a very good case for theft of your belongings,” one person wrote, adding that if the MIL truly wanted to help, she wouldn’t have trashed the OP’s things while she was away.
The person warned her to get things sorted out with her MIL before the baby arrives because otherwise the mother would be running her home instead of the OP and her husband.
Others had thoughts about the OP’s husband as well.
“You have a big husband problem. His mother stole from you and his response was to yell at you. That’s not okay,” one person commented.
Some people even suggested that he instructed his mom to throw out some of her things behind the OP’s back.
The OP has to start speaking up for herself sooner.
Some people suspected that the OP is more of a hoarder than she thinks she is, and they really took issue with her putting her MIL out.
“I know this is against the grain but I just don’t get why you need to kick her out in the middle of the night,” one person wrote. “I think this is rude and unnecessary.”
More than a few people stated that even if the OP was a hoarder and her house was more messy than it needed to be, her MIL still had no right to discard her things without permission. Someone suggested that OP should have established some ground rules from the beginning.
“She has ALWAYS been this way and you have never TOLD her it bothered you. So how was she supposed to know you found it overbearing rather than helpful?” one person asked. “You invited her to stay already knowing she was like this AND didn’t clearly communicate what your boundaries were.”
Most people would assume they don’t need to instruct someone not to trash their belongings, but points were made. All in all, the MIL was out of line. If the OP’s home is too messy for a baby, that will become abundantly clear in a few months’ time and then it will be up to the OP and her husband to decide how they want to babyproof their home.
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