In a committed relationship, we want honesty and transparency with our partners. This is essential if we are entering into something serious, like marriage. No one wants their spouse to lie or live a secret life. But what if you suspect that they are not being totally honest? What do you do?
A concerned bride-to-be contacted "Dear Abby" for some advice about a suspicious situation with her fiancé. The couple has been together for nine years, but things got sticky a while back when her fiancé’s ex kept coming around.
The original poster was fed up with the whole thing and decided they needed a break. Nine months after her then-boyfriend moved out, his ex gave birth. He swears the baby isn't his and that his brother is the father. But OP isn't buying it and wants the truth before they get married.
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This ex has caused all kinds of problems.
Even though he swears that there is nothing between them, OP's fiancé’s ex has been a thorn in her side for a while. The convenient timing of the pregnancy took a toll on their relationship, and OP called off their first engagement because of it. They got back together and got engaged again, but the nagging suspicions are back.
"He proposed to me again two years ago, and our wedding date is set for next year. I don't want to call it off again, although this is still bothering me. He knows I was hurt by an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me in the past, and I think he knows if I find out the truth, I will leave him," she wrote.
The main problem isn't the ex, it's her child.
No, the kid isn't causing trouble, it's the way the fiancé treats her. OP swears he dotes on her like a dad, not just an uncle.
"He treats this child like she's his own, not a niece. He picks her up and takes her out for dinner and to the park and other stuff he doesn't do for his other nieces or nephews. Should I let it go, or trust my gut?" she asked Abby.
Of course, Abby wasted no time with this one.
She said to suggest a DNA test for the two of them and see what happens.
"His reaction will speak volumes. If he agrees, you will finally have the answers you are looking for. Do not go ahead with the wedding until you have that information," she advised.
Abby fans had thoughts about this relationship.
People in the comments felt like OP and her fiancé might be doomed. Lots of people said that it is a big red flag if there is no trust.
"You've been together for nine years," someone wrote. "In all that time, you have not been able to fully trust your fiancé. For that reason alone, you should not marry him ever."
"The paternity of the child is irrelevant when your issue is lack of trust," a comment reads. "It's ridiculous to think that the child's mother would consent to having her child tested to calm your fears. Asking this of a child and of your fiancé would result in the decision to end your relationship being made for you."
Readers felt like this relationship is a waste of time. "Do everyone a favor and break up with this guy," wrote one commenter.
Plus, what about the child's mom? "I don't think the child's mother will consent to this," one person pointed out. "You don't trust him. You don't marry someone you don't trust."
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OP, move on.
Abby gave some good advice, and the comments section agreed. DNA test, to be sure, but is it even worth it? You already don't trust him, and if he is the father, the whole thing has been a lie. Dear Abby, readers think you should just move on. What else will you question if you don't trust him about paternity? It's time to start fresh.
