Sometimes, even when we are unhappy in our relationships, we are hesitant to leave. It may be because there are children involved, it would be too much of a financial strain, or, sadly, because we are afraid of what our partner might do. Individuals who find themselves in these types of situations may be desperate for a way out but don't know where to start. It can be an emotionally devastating time.
A woman wrote to Dear Abby asking for advice on her relationship with her husband. She doesn't want to be with him anymore and has been secretly renting an apartment behind his back to escape. She is terrified of breaking off the relationship, but she no longer wants to live a lie.
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At first, their relationship was happy.
The original poster explained to Dear Abby that she had been married for 17 years and that life was good for the first few years. But now, the pair have grown apart and she no longer wants to be married.
"We don't have very many disagreements, but when we do, he always wins. This is because he's intense, intelligent and very intimidating, so I always back down. I am so uncomfortable with him and careful about what I say that it has started to make me depressed and anxious. I'm in therapy and trying hard to speak up for myself," she wrote.
Things got so bad that she rented an apartment in a different city to escape him occasionally.
OP wrote that her husband thinks she is away for many other things, but she is actually living her dream life. "I have rented an apartment in another town and have lied to him about trips to see my sister, my daughter and my mother just so I can feel some peace, read a book, knit, and just … be," she wrote.
Sadly, she is also afraid of what he will do if she does leave him.
"I feel so much better when I'm away from him, but I'm terrified about how he'll react when I say I want to leave for good. I know that when I do gather the courage, I'll likely lose everything we have together. Please advise me," OP wrote.
Abby told her to get away.
No one should stay in an unhappy relationship, especially not one that causes fear. Abby told the OP not to wait and to move on with her life.
"The time to talk to an attorney is now, well in advance of taking any action. Doing so will help you to determine exactly what kind of financial hit you may suffer if you follow through with your plan to leave. Since your finances are separate, it may not be as bad as you fear," she wrote.
Abby also advised OP to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help because of her fear of her husband.
There were mixed reactions to OP's story.
Some agreed that she needed to get away as fast as she could.
"You already know what you need to do. Subconsciously you knew that when you got your apartment," one person wrote. "The time to leave is now. Get an attorney, get a restraining order, then leave. Don't tell him you're going to leave. He hasn't earned the right for a notice. It's not safe for you to tell him to his face. Let your attorney read the riot act to him. Your attorney should be firm and forceful," the person continued. "If you need to hire a security guard, do it. Above all, feel absolutely no guilt in doing so. You didn't do anything to your husband. He did this to himself."
Another agreed, writing, "When abby doesn't recommend marriage counseling that's a sure sign the party's over. Leave and find some happiness."
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Some people believe that OP may not be telling the whole story.
There seemed to be holes in her story, as far as some people were concerned, and they aren't buying it.
"No matter what the husband has done or is doing, the fact that this woman has an apartment that she keeps secret is a big red flag on her as well," a comment reads.
"The whole story seems to have major parts missing and is written very clearly for him to be the bad guy, and many commenters have taken the bait to say he's an abusive husband when she's never claimed that," another person commented.
"She's painted herself as a victim or it's made up," someone else wrote. "If not it seems very, very slanted in her favor."
Another commenter thought the wife wasn't being truthful.
"Women are so insidiously skilled at playing the victim. I'm guessing that the secret apartment has seen more than a few secret trysts with boyfriends, and that the portrayal of the hubby as a controlling monster helps her to rationalize her infidelity. Tale as old as time," the person wrote.
