If you have ever been a stay-at-home parent, you know that the demands of being with children all day are intense. There is a common misconception that it's just Netflix and snacks, which couldn't be further from the truth. These misunderstandings can arise in marriages too. The working parent may think their spouse should be doing more daily chores, which can cause trouble.
A stay-at-home dad of two young kids is having a tough time with his working wife, who thinks he should be doing some housework in addition to taking care of the kids. He says it's not feasible and she needs to back off. The dad posted in Reddit's AITA forum for advice on dealing with what he feels are his wife's ridiculous demands.
The couple didn't live together before marriage, which in retrospect may have been a mistake.
The original poster and his wife have been together for six years, married for three, and have a 2-year-old and 1-year-old. Since they've been married, OP has realized how high his wife's cleaning expectations are, and the two aren't meshing.
"I knew she was clean I didn't know the full extent. Let this be a lesson to live with your partner before marriage. She is the reason why our house looks like a model home," he wrote in his post.
"She hates dishes in the sink while I'm content to let them sit for a couple days," he continued. "She spends her off days scrubbing bathrooms because in her mind they should be cleaned weekly. She doesn't let me bring my shoes inside and insists I shower immediately when I get home before laying in bed. There are a million more things but hopefully you have an idea."
Now that he's home with the kids, she expects more from him.
OP's wife works a ton, 40 to 80 hours a week, and because her husband is home, she'd like a bit more help. She has expectations about toys, dishes, laundry, and baths — pretty standard stuff — that OP disagrees with. He isn't following her rules, so in addition to her heavy workload, she is spending her days off cleaning the house. Like it always does, this came to a head with a massive blowout, and OP's wife called him "lazy and a slob."
"She said she would like for me to return to work since in her eyes I'm doing a poor job and use the money to hire a weekly housekeeper and a nanny who 'wouldn't leave the kids in pjs all day,' he shared. "I got p—ed and told her she is crazy and she works herself up over small things and I will not be leaving my kids with a stranger. She packed a bag for herself and our babies and to her mom's house. I'm furious. Am I the a–hole?" he wrote.
Are her demands really that out of line?
Redditors wanted to take a deeper look at OP's complaints, and many people thought the issue was him.
"I thought she was going to turn out to be a crazy person who wanted to clean the tile grout with a toothbrush twice a week and be able to eat off the floors at a moment's notice," one person wrote. "Doing dishes daily, cleaning the bathrooms weekly and not wearing shoes in the house are perfectly normal standards. Yours haven't achieved dangerously disgusting, but they are on the slobbier, yuckier end of the normal spectrum."
"You're a stay at home father all of the stuff you listed that she wants is normal things an adult does. Your standards are too low," another comment reads. "YTA. Bathe your f—-ng kids."
Some people believed this is literally OP's job.
SAHD is a job, and Redditors think maybe OP doesn't get that.
"This post screamed weaponized incompetence, and to make this even more ridiculous, most stories of people using weaponized incompetence use their career responsibilities as a shield," someone else pointed out. "OP's wife is the sole breadwinner who works insane hours and ends up having to do all the s— in the house too, because her husband with no job and no sense of cleanliness can't get up off the couch to bathe his own children."
"Your wife's expectations are not unrealistic. She simply doesn't want to live in a sty. You can't do dishes daily? How do you live like that?" another person wrote. "You can't run a vacuum over the house once a week? You can't mop once a week? You can't change the bedding once a week? What, pray tell, do you do all day? And, yes, if you're the stay at home parent, you're principally responsible for the upkeep of the house. Do better."
Time to shape up, friend.
Redditors overwhelmingly agreed that OP is the problem and needs to work on himself.
It looks like the feedback helped because he posted a quick update admitting some fault.
"so I'm the a–hole. The common belief is I need to help more around the house. I'll see what I can do and apologize to my wife. Thanks," he wrote.
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