Approaching sex after having a baby might seem like a never-ending game of how to get in the mood (and then finding the alone time). Even if the overall desire for sex is there, for many moms, it can be difficult to get in the mood due to things like exhaustion, feeling touched out, or hormonal changes.
The cliché is that men want sex more than their partners do. But ask any mom and she’ll tell you it isn’t that simple. It isn’t that we like sex any less than men do. Trust us on that one! It’s that we’re just so very tired. Often, moms are taking care of everyone and everything, and at the end of the day, there’s just so little of ourselves left to give.
So partners, if you’re looking for tips on how to get mom in the mood, know that it is possible. It’s not about getting “lucky” and finding us in the right mood. Instead, it’s about helping get us in the mood — and the way there is probably not what you think it is.
Here are 11 simple tips moms divulge for how to get them in the mood for sex. And moms, don’t forget to share these with your partner.
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Feed Us
You know what they say — the way to the heart is through the stomach and that sentiment may never be more true than for a postpartum mother. (Especially a breastfeeding one.)
Consider fully planning, prepping, shopping, and cooking your partner’s favorite meal so it’s one less task off her plate. Bonus points if you clean the kitchen and do all the dishes after.
Soundproof Our Bedroom Walls
We live in constant fear of waking up the baby, toddler, or even older kids, so ensuring that we can be as loud as we want will go a long way toward helping us get in the mood.
The moral of the story is that a few steps to help us relax and be comfortable without having to worry about the kids will definitely help us get in the mood.
Pick Up Your Socks & Underwear
This simple act of foreplay can really get our engines revving. All you have to do is pick up your socks and underwear and put them in the laundry hamper (it’s that wicker basket in the bathroom, you’ll recognize it).
While you’re at it, take all that dirty laundry down to the laundry room.
And if you’re going there, could you put what’s in the washer into the dryer on “heavy duty”? And then, put that dirty laundry you just carried down in the washer and start a new load. Thanks, hon!
Showing us you’re an equal partner around the house definitely helps us switch from “task manager” and “laundry fairy” to sex goddess.
Make the Whole House Smell Good
Do something to make the whole house smell good. Maybe it’s putting a dozen roses in every single room.
Maybe it’s baking chocolate chip cookies. Maybe it’s lighting some candles. Maybe it’s just opening the windows so we can get some air in here.
No matter what smell strategy you take, it helps set the scene by showing us you care about the space we all share.
Hire a Sitter & Give Us a Night Off
Arrange for a babysitter to watch our kids so we can have a night out. (Alternatively, we may want some alone time to recharge — please ask us what we prefer and don’t be offended if we say we want some alone time!)
But more importantly, the key to this step is fully handling all the sitter arrangements. That means you find the sitter, call them, agree on a fee, make sure they show up on time, provide full instructions on how to take care of the kids, and put them to bed.
And of course, don’t forget to include all the bedtime songs she must sing, books she must read, and voices she should use when she reads those books.
Actually, Get the Kids Out of the House
No, you know what would be better? See if you can offload the kids for the night at one of our parents’ houses.
Grandparent Time = Parent Alone Time.
Schedule the Kids’ Next Check-Ups
OK, I know this is coming out of left field, but please take care of this so I’m not obsessing over it during the sex. Call the kids’ pediatrician’s office and dentists to schedule their next check-ups, including any necessary wellness visit, vaccinations, cleanings, or physicals.
If they’re due, make an appointment for them to come in at the same time. Put it in the shared calendar and set a reminder so I’ll see it. Just knowing you have everything handled is the ultimate turn-on.
Pour Me a Drink
Buy that wine I like. You know, the Spanish one we had two weekends ago?
Open it, let it air out, and then pour me a glass. Pour yourself a glass, too, obviously. Cheers!
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Give Me a Massage
Long nights of breastfeeding, taking care of a baby, and hunching over our desks leave us feeling mighty tense. A massage (with no strings attached!) could really help us get in the mood.
And if you felt like hiring out this task to a professional, we definitely wouldn’t complain about that either. Don’t be threatened, though! It’s just to get me in the mood, promise.
Take Away My Phone & Let Me Nap
Please silence my phone and hide it somewhere so I can take some time for what I really need: sleep.
Turn off the phone, handle the kids, and let me nap so I’ll be ready for you later.
It’s Go Time!
OK, now we’re ready! Look deep into my eyes, whisper some sweet nothings, and let’s go!
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