Man Accuses His Wife of Using Her Twin Pregnancy as an Excuse Not To Do Household Chores

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Anyone who has been pregnant knows that it takes a toll on your body. Things are growing and stretching, your organs are literally shifting, and then you have a fetus moving around inside you. With all of that going on, it's natural that your energy levels aren't quite the same and you can't do everything you did before you got pregnant.

One man posted on Reddit explaining that he believed his wife was using her pregnancy as "an excuse" to do less than her usual load of household chores. Although he claims to have anticipated the change, he's still having feelings about it.

He initially shared his frustrations with his friends during a private conversation.

The man shared his concerns about his wife's behavior in the Am I the A–hole community on Reddit with the title, "AITA for telling my friends I think my wife uses her pregnancy as an excuse to get out of things?"

"I'll admit that it sounds bad, but I think the context is extremely important. I said this to a group of friends in what was supposed to be a private conversation just between us," the man wrote. "On top of that I was venting some frustrations. None of that is abnormal; everyone does it even if they pretend like they don't. Same with letters people write and don't send. People are allowed to vent, and if we judged everyone by their venting, we'd all be a–holes, I think.

"The fact is that she's been hard to be around and demanding since she got pregnant and wants to be pampered all the time. I don't mind a lot of it since it's what I signed up for, but I'm working full time and have a lot on my plate," he added. "In addition to taking care of her, I'm helping to take care of my sick grandmother. That makes it hard to not only do everything I was doing but most of what she did before she got pregnant."

He admitted that some things make sense for her to avoid, such as chemicals or heavy lifting "but simple thing like running to UPS, doing a load of laundry or getting groceries I think she should still be able to do since she isn't that far along (four months)," he wrote. "I know that having twins makes a difference but still from what I read it seems like she's doing less than is normal, which makes me feel like she isn't helping as much as she could."

The conversation he had with his friends got back to his wife.

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The man said it was "not good" when his words made their way back to his wife.

"I tried to explain to her that it was mostly venting and that it wasn't fair to take me to task over this because it was meant to be a private conversation, but she said that was BS."

The couple argued about if his comments were inappropriate, but he didn't back down. "I refused to take them back because I feel there is a lot of truth to them, but she thinks I am being too hard on her and have no empathy for what she's experiencing. So now this has turned into a fight over whether I'm the a–hole for telling the truth instead of biting my tongue to make her feel better."

Now he wonders if telling the truth still means he's in the wrong instead of trying to protect her feelings. "She also says I am the a–hole for talking about my friends to her behind her back, but I was venting. In that context I don't see how I was really bad mouthing her. Am I also the a–hole for expressing my frustrations to my friends openly?" he asked.

People had no problem calling out his poor behavior.

"YTA. Your reading about what's 'normal' < your wife's actual experience," one person commented. "If you genuinely think she's faking, then talk to her about it, or simply tell her she'll have to do the thing herself; don't complain about it behind her back. But unless you catch her doing the stuff she claims she can't do, I think you need to disabuse yourself of the notion that you or your self-appointed advisors are better informed about what it's like to go about her daily life in her body right now than she is."

"YTA She's in her second trimester with twins which means a lot of things are shifting in ways that aren't visible but that can be painful. And now you've shown her that she A. can't trust the person she's having these babies with to not badmouth her behind her back and B. that you don't think her feelings matter," someone else commented. "And I do wonder exactly how much more she was doing before that you're complaining about picking up packages, laundry, and groceries. Were you perhaps not pulling half your weight & are now discovering how it feels to do what she did?"

Many people pointed out the ways a pregnancy involving twins is likely affecting his wife.

"He mentioned that’s she’s 'only four months along' and casually throws in that’s it’s twins, that’s literally twice the amount of space being occupied a mom of twins at four months is probably closer to a mom of one at seven months, when most women would start taking it really easy," one person wrote. "Plus all the risks associated with having multiples require extra care."

"She is 4 months along creating two babies. Her insides are being pushed up into her upper cavity. She has raging hormones," someone else commented. "She is tired and doing something you might think is simple might be a big f—ing deal to her. It doesn’t matter what is normal or not. Every pregnancy is different. Some women spend almost the entire time bed ridden because it is healthier for their baby and themselves.

"Your opinion on what she should or should not be doing is absolutely irrelevant," the person continued. "Because your wife is telling you what she can and cannot do. You don’t get to f—ing decide that. No matter your precious wittle feelings."

At least one person could relate to the pregnant mom. "YTA so much! Your wife’s body is working for TWO EXTRA PEOPLE and you think she’s being lazy?! I’m 4 1/2 months pregnant with twins and I feel like I got hit by a bus pretty much daily," the person wrote. "There are times I literally cannot get myself out of bed because I am so exhausted. I’m winded walking up a few stairs. Forget about even attempting to lift a laundry basket. Luckily, my husband understands and is perfectly happy to pick up the slack. You should maybe follow his example and shut up."

However, there were some people who had empathy for him.

"Soft YTA. You sound overwhelmed, and exhausted, and I feel for you – but you’ve made some poor decisions. Im not going to rip you apart here. But I am going to echo a lot of the advice you’ve already gotten," one comment began. "Try opening up and being more transparent about how you’re feeling and how you’re struggling with your wife. Don’t tell her what you think she is doing. Don’t be accusatory. This conversation is about you and your needs. Ask her for her advice on how you two can make the situation better. Tackle the problem as a team."

"Mild YTA. First, pregnancy is f—ing exhausting and comes with all kinds of aches and pains and nausea and tiredness and she’s having twins FFS. Cut her some slack. Second, I totally agree everyone needs to vent which is why this is a mild YTA. But choose your recipient wisely!" the person advised. "Complaining about your pregnant wife is something to do maybe to one very trusted close friend. Not a whole group! … It’s a bit disloyal to tell all your friends. Also, when she found out, Jesus, just apologise. I’d be pretty upset if I were her, and you just doubled down."

Someone else pointed out that she's doing her best and is pregnant with twins. "Your children. She's probably doing her best at four months, is in lot of pain and really tired. You talking behind her back and venting to your friends is obviously going to upset her because well, she's not the only one responsible for her situation and you made her feel like she was," the person wrote. "She's not doing 'less than normal'. Every pregnancy is different, every woman is different. She's doing what she can. If you're tired, just open a window, breathe, take a 5 min break and come back to her. Enjoy this, because you won't be able to take much breaks with twins!"