My Husband Thinks I Owe Him Sex & Had a Complete Meltdown Over It, Ruining My Birthday

Sex can be a challenge for some couples. We have probably all experienced one partner being in the mood while the other isn't quite into it, leading to an argument, hurt feelings, or someone pouting on the couch. But we're all adults here, right? Well, sometimes, not everyone remembers that.

Disagreements only get more fun when alcohol is involved, don't you think? It seems to only escalate conflicts, which leads to even more problems. A woman on Reddit and her husband aren't on the same sex schedule, and he is making a huge deal out of it. Like, the guy was crying over it and trying to make his wife feel guilty on her birthday, which he somehow thought would make her want to sleep with him.

Now, she's over him and his childish behavior. He ruined her birthday, so she aired her frustrations on the Reddit forum Breaking Mom, and got some quality feedback from other moms.

She was tired.

via GIPHY

OK, that is a valid excuse, and not to mention he approached her wanting sex in the middle of the night. The original poster's husband wanted her to go to a swingers club that night, even though they aren't swingers, so that also set a weird tone. She said he was being a pushy a–hole, and she is over it.

"Today is my birthday and I got to start it off with at my husband waking me up at 4 AM drunk off his a– and crying about the fact that I didn't want to have sex because I was tired," she wrote. "Literally crying. Bawling his eyes out because I haven't had sex with him."

She didn't immediately mention that he has a mental illness.

A few paragraphs down, she lets us know that her husband has "BPD" and "sex is how he gets validated or whatever, I'm trying to hard to be understanding about it but right now I'm so angry at him that I just can't care."

OP said her birthday weekend was something she had been looking forward to for months, but that his obsession with sex put a damper on the whole thing. His pushy behavior has her at her limit, and the more he begs, the less she wants to be with him. Things are pretty ugly.

"We've been together almost ten years and he's never been this bad. I told him he had better get a therapy appointment tomorrow. Consider it my birthday gift at this point," she explained. Yikes, this doesn't sound like fun.

The forum went hard.

via GIPHY

People are not for this guy and feel like his attempts at forcing his wife into sex are really ugly.

"He better find some other way to feel validated," a person commented. "What the actual f—. Imagine saying to someone else I 'need' to use your body to feel good about my existence. UM, what? Grow up, get a clue, and figure out some other way. Read a book or take a walk or build a table or do Some Thing that doesn't require another human's genitals."

And another.

"Yeah umm women's bodies aren't sex vending machines," someone agreed. "You don't put in x amount of kindness and get sex. There's no 'I'll spend this much money and she owes me sex' input/output tray. And there is for sure no 'act like a little bitch and cry and moan and pester her like a toddler and get sex button.'"

How about one more?

"Hi, my husband has BPD, he 100% does not need access to my body or his other partners to feel validated," another comment reads. "This is just him being an unbelievable f—ing a–hole. He has his highs and lows and was forcibly committed by myself and his partner when he was out of control and undiagnosed. But he put the work in, takes his meds, and NEVER pushes for sex or gets mad if we say no."

But he does have some underlying issues he is dealing with.

Some people were empathetic about his BPD, but no one is giving him a pass. Others in the forum have faced the same challenges, either themselves or with a partner, and say needing this kind of validation isn't OK, diagnosis aside.

One person gave her advice from experience.

"I also have BPD and your husband sounds like he's using his diagnosis as an excuse to behave badly," she wrote. "Even if he gets validation from sex he's not entitled to your body. BPD isn't his fault but it is his responsibility. He's absolutely being manipulative and you deserve better than what he's giving. Be gentle with yourself and be selfish. Good energy your way."

And another person had a similar experience with her relationship.

"My ex has BPD and would get so mad when I wouldn't sleep with him," the Redditor wrote. "When I was sleep deprived with a newborn. He declared one day that we were Poly because if I wasn't going to sleep with him, someone else would and I'd have to be OK with it. Joke's on him, I didn't give a s— because I wasn't going to sit around and take his nonsense and I was already leaving."

Some of the comments mentioned therapy, which is probably a good idea.

"Wow this is grim bless you OP," another comment reads. "So sorry that you're going through this. I have BPD and it's absolutely no excuse for how he's behaving and sounds like he needs to go to therapy to sort himself out sharpish. And as others have said it is OK to leave. Sending big love and hugs to you xxx."

OP, he doesn't have a right to your body.

via GIPHY

The Reddit community feels OP's husband is using his mental illness as carte blanche to do whatever he wants, which is not OK. You may be married, but you don't owe him anything. Your body is still your own, and you have choices. If you don't want to have sex with him, don't. Change your mind, and you're in the mood? Fine. But the decision is yours.

Redditors also feel like some therapy and mental health help are in order. He can't use his BPD as an excuse, but he can help to work through it. That's on him though. Until then, he doesn't get to use your body to validate himself.