Ask Dana: I’m Thinking About Bringing Toys Into the Bedroom. Where Do I Start?

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Dear Toy-Curious,

Hallloo!! I’m pretty sure an angel gets its wings every time a woman claims her desire to explore her pleasure with toys. Now if you’re still even a tiny bit on the fence as to whether or not you should explore toys to enhance your personal pleasure, here’s my take:

Do you need to use a sex toy?

That’s like asking, do you need to wear lip gloss? In both cases, the answer is no, you don’t, but they both make you feel good. Both add color and flair to your experience of life. And both can empower your femininity in an exciting way.

Sex toys are tools for fun, for pleasure; they give you something to play with — and frankly, I believe we all need a bit more play in our lives these days!

Ultimately, sex toys allow you to get to know yourself better.

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They allow you to explore new and creative pathways to your pleasure. And guess what? You can then take all that knowledge and share it with your partner, so that they can get to know your body and your pleasure better, too.

So, where to begin if you’ve never used a toy before? Here’s a quick “beginner’s breakdown”:

Classic vibrators.

These toys generally have a phallic shape and can be used for external or internal stimulation. Some have ridges for rubbing up against, some are smooth and gently curved, some offer several multifunction sensations so you can enjoy different kinds of stimulation and speeds in one lusty session.

What I love about today’s “classic vibe” market is that there are so many wonderful, high-quality options made in luxe, body-safe materials. And many are waterproof and rechargeable so you can enjoy pleasure in the shower or bath and never have to raid your remote controls for batteries in the heat of the moment.

Sweet and discreet vibes.

These are smaller toys that offer targeted sensations delivered in a petite package: Think ones shaped like a lipstick or a fingertip vibrator that’s worn on — you guessed it — a finger. (This is great for you alone or as a more subtle, starter option to use with your partner!) “Pocket rockets” are another solid option, and there are plenty of models that have a lovely ergonomic shape to nestle right in the palm of your hand and cup your C-spot just right.

Couples toys.

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Sex toys can be twice as much fun when you share them with your partner. They can inspire countless new variations in your sexy encounters and invite newness into your routine!

Look for a vibrating couples ring, which stretches and slides down his shaft, and features a vibrating bullet positioned to meet your body right where you need some extra stimulation to reach the Big O. Another fun "toy" to share is a pair of vibrating panties with a wireless remote control. Pass your partner the controller as you wear them out on a date. It’s like “foreplay before the foreplay!”

Crystal wands.

The last category of toys I’d love to mention are best for exploring a sacred sexuality practice — and for connecting to your pelvic floor. Now, if you’ve heard or read about using crystal wands (also known as “yoni wands”), you might be wondering if a sex toy can really put you in touch with your feelings, strengthen your intuition, heal shame around your sexuality, and enhance your pelvic floor all through the power of crystals. In my personal opinion, the answer is yes. You can use a crystal wand as an all-over body massage tool, you can use it in a healing internal practice called de-armoring, you can stimulate yourself internally as you use your fingers externally — you get the idea. You can really get creative and personal with it!

The beauty of working with crystals in the realm of pleasure is that you can choose a stone that suits your particular emotional need. For example, rose quartz is often referred to as a stone of the heart, as a crystal of unconditional love that carries feminine energy of compassion and healing. So when you use it to explore pleasure, you might find yourself dissolving emotional wounds, fears, or resentments — and promoting love and healing throughout your entire body.

So, I know this is a LOT of information — but don’t get overwhelmed.

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Browse some female-friendly online retailers, and know that the best starter toy for you is the one you see that instantly makes you feel comfortable and excited. Peruse the couples section with your partner, too! Talk about what piques your interest, and get ready to explore and experiment with new forms of pleasure, together!

ICYMI, check out my previous columns:

How Can My Partner & I Spice Things Up After Months in Lockdown?

I Want to Push Boundaries in the Bedroom, But What If I Freak Out My Spouse?

Sleep Sounds Better Than Sex Most Nights. How Do I Get My Libido Back?

Dana B. Myers is the founder of Booty Parlor and author of The Mommy Mojo Makeover. Ask Dana your burning relationship questions at [email protected].