Dear Single Yet Sexual,
I hear you, mama! I’m psyched that your libido is revved up, as you deserve pleasure and passion, whether you’re playing the dating game or not. And I understand your concern. No one talks about how a single mama can get her needs met outside of Tinder.
But I’m here to help! I’ve got three different options to help you find the right combination of passion and satisfaction without having to feel guilty or commit to a relationship you don’t want to be in.
Engage in some self-pleasure.
When you feel the need for some physical loving, don’t undervalue the benefits of self-love. Masturbation, while sometimes considered taboo, is perfectly natural and an essential part of a healthy sex life. And let’s face it. When you orgasm, whether by yourself or with a partner, your body reaps the benefits, like the rush of endorphins that boost your mood and reduce the stress hormones that cause anxiety and keep you up at night.
Self-pleasure allows you to put yourself first and indulge in some much needed self-care. Plus, generating sexual energy through masturbation can be the rocket fuel that energizes you and pushes you through the day. And self-stimulation is a fantastic way to remind yourself that you’re a vibrant woman with desire.
Here’s how you can make it happen.
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Find the time to squeeze in some “me time.” whether it’s before your morning shower, during your lunch break, or when the kids turn on Disney+, find the time you need, even if you have to set a reminder on your phone.
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Settle in and turn yourself on. Don’t just jump into your self-pleasure. Instead, take a moment for seduction. It doesn’t matter if it’s massaging yourself with your favorite lotion or reading a bit of erotica. Find what turns you on and do it.
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Make yourself feel good. Now get ready to get down to business. Take time to explore your body, especially if you normally rush through your self-love. Touch yourself in different places, in multiple ways, and in various positions. Don’t be afraid to incorporate a toy! Pay attention to what feels good. And don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Make the experience about pleasure, not about getting off, and you may find you enjoy the experience even more!
Find a friend with benefits.
Friends with benefits encounters may sound cheesy and unrealistic, but I promise you, they do happen. And they can be a great solution for a single mom who still wants to have sex. You may think you don’t have many options for a FWB, but if you really sit down and examine your network, you may end up pleasantly surprised.
Think about a previous hookup you could rekindle. Or maybe that flirty friend would be down for some mutual pleasure without the commitment. How about that cute guy from your parent group who’s recently divorced? It won’t hurt to flirt and see if it sparks an interest.
If the idea of moving forward with someone you know makes you shy away, consider a dating or hookup app, which pairs people based on the type of commitment, or lack thereof, they want. This option sets clear expectations and eliminates any conversation or complication you think could potentially hurt your friendship.
Go virtual with online play.
Perhaps a racier option you haven’t considered is to think about going online. There are all sorts of ways to intimately engage in virtual play. You can find a discreet “chat boy” and let him talk you to orgasm, his sexy voice telling you what to do and where to touch.
Or, if you’re looking for more of a connection, consider a cam boy or even someone from OnlyFans. Online options can be a great solution for single mamas, who can’t necessarily get away or have a FWB randomly stopping over. Plus, there’s no risk of STDs or awkward what-happens-afterward concerns when you’re online.
The point is, Single, don’t feel like you can’t be sexual just because you don’t want to date. You can find pleasure and passion in various ways. Or maybe a combination of ways. So whether it’s alone, with someone you know, or with someone you don’t, embrace your desire and find a way to manifest it in your life!
XOXO,
Dana
ICYMI, check out some of my previous columns:
How Do I Get Better at Asking for What Turns Me On If I'm Slightly Embarrassed?
My Partner & I Have Issues Communicating. How Can We Stop Arguing & Get Closer?
Sleep Sounds Better Than Sex Most Nights. How Do I Get My Libido Back?
Dana B. Myers is the founder of Booty Parlor and author of The Mommy Mojo Makeover. Ask Dana your burning relationship questions at [email protected].
